Is age really just a number??

I have often been told that I look (and act) younger than I am. By rights I should look a very haggard 42 year old considering I have partied considerably hard since my teenage years but thanks to good family genes (and afew make-up tricks) I am still able to cling to the last vestiges of youth. And before time catches up with me and the copious amounts of alcohol, cigarettes and lack of sleep form deep etched lines and wrinkles in my face perhaps I should take advantage that my face still has some structure and is not yet a cloth sack. So next month I will turn 43 but have decided I will tell new acquaintances that I am 38, a full 5 years younger.


Why would I do this when I am actually not ashamed of my age? Well first of all to see if I could get away with it, I am taking a risk afterall. It would be such a knockback (and hilariously funny) if  I received shock responses and pitying looks that scream of "she must have had a hard paper round"!

In fact, I am curious to see if I would be treated any different as a woman in her late 30's than a spinster in her early 40's. They say that the forties are the new thirties so technically I wouldn't be lying. Would I attract the attention of younger people to me? Would it be more socially acceptable for me to hang out with people in their twenties? Does 38, never married and no children sound so much better and justifiable than 43, never married and no kids? Well it shouldn't but it does.

Age is used as a yardstick to measure how good you look, how much you have achieved and how healthy you are and what more you have left to offer the world.   No wonder so many people approach their 40th birthday with trepidation and a sense of "it's all downhill from here". Society dictates that you pretty much should have it all wrapped up by your forties. Education, travel, marriage and kids and that now "life begins" since the kids have flown the nest and  you can perhaps put yourself first for once. Take up hobbies or buy a holiday home and spend every weekend enjoying the freedom that "cutting the apron strings" brings. But what about those of us hurtling fast into our forties who got to first and second base but never quite obtained marriage and kids. Do we still go in search of that?  How are we depicted by society.....failures or life's Peter Pans?

Recently on a train I sat opposite two older ladies who had certainly been visited by the menopause and youth had long since waved "Sayonara". However, on striking up a conversation during the journey one of the ladies in particular was very entertaining, spirited and extremely funny. The twinkle in her eye outshone her weather worn wrinkled skin and grey hair. It was her spirit and character that captivated and attracted everyone around her. We all grow old but we don't have to be old. The quote below sums this up perfectly:

"Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul".  ~Samuel Ullman

It really is what's inside that makes us who we are and not the number of years we have been on this earth. Our bodies are merely a temporarily home for a spirit that never ages and time has no bearing. If tomorrow I was granted two wishes, one to be in my thirties again but with about as much personality as a dripping tap or be forty +, spirited, enjoying life, open minded with a wicked sense of humour then I know I would chose the latter. Like attracts like after all and I feel very lucky to have met those kind of people whether they were twenty,  forty or sixty, it is irrelavant.

When the iconic beauty Audrey Hepburn was asked to give her beauty tips below is what she replied. 

1. "For attractive lips speak words of kindness".
2. "For lovely eyes, seek the good in people".
3. "For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry".
4. "For beautifulr hair, let a child run his or hers through it at least once a day".
5. "For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone".
6. "People, even more than things, have to be restored, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone".
7. "Remember if you ever need a helping hand you'll find them at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others".
8. "The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides".
9. "The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows".
10. "The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years."

Contrary to what some may think, Audrey Hepburn did not write this beautiful poem, Sam Levenson did. Levenson wrote "Time Tested Beauty Tips" for his grandchild, and it just so happened to be one of Audrey's favorite poems. She read it to her children on the very last Christmas Eve she spent with us here on Earth.

I could however ignore every word of wisdom and reason to justify aging indiscreetly by doing this one very clever trick. I could tell every one I'm actually older! I would be a fabulous 50 year old. People would ask themselves "what's her secret?", "what moisturiser does she use", "what is her exercise regime", "what is her diet?". And as the years progress I would continue to look much younger than my ficticious age without going under the knife .... I would only have to stay looking older than my chronological age....easy. I could, therefore age not only gracefully but calmly and peacefully which in itself would take years off me, a win win solution don't you think?

beauty and the mass media beast!

Looking back at my dating experiences I realise that the majority of men with whom I've gone out with, dated or had a relationship with, have been younger than me. I'm not talking about the Demi Moore - Ashton Kutcher 15 year age gap however but enough of a difference to put my self-consciousness on high alert. Facial lines appear more pronounced despite the plethora of anti aging creams in the bathroom cabinet and the once every 2 monthly visit to the hair salon increases to 4-6 weekly, should he,God forbid, find a stray grey hair or two.

The pressure to stay looking young is evident in all that we read in magazines and watch in movies or on TV however it is fiercly highlighted when dating a younger man. Referring back to Demi More and Ashton Kutcher's 15 year age gap, it is rumoured that she has spent £250k since 2007 on plastic surgery, liposuction and even knee surgery. If an A list Hollywood star, as naturally beautiful and talented as Demi Moore, feels the pressure to stay young looking for her toy boy husband, then what hope is there for the rest of us? Does Michael Douglas feel under pressure to embark on a quest for eternal youth in order to stop his stunning wife Catherine Zeta Jones runnning for the (Hollywood) hills? Apparantley so. It's been reported that he has undergone a face and brow lift. But even Catherine Zeta Jones herself has had help from the surgeon's knife in maintaining her beauty.

So is the pressure to literally peel back the years from having a younger spouse? or really from being in the fickle scrutinising eye of the mass media?

"Cougars" are the vastly growing number of savvy ladies on the hunt for younger men. This woman has the self confidence to command awestruck respect from her younger prey that she can manipulate him to go along with whatever she says. Enough life experiences have taught her what matters and what doesn't and she has faced her insecurities and fears. She is not going to bother her latest squeeze with feminine frivalities that often turn men off, ie: "Does my bum look big in this?". She knows what she looks good in and what to avoid. Probably most importantly for her less experienced partner, is that she can teach him a thing or two between the sheets...with the light on and not worrying about showing her stretch marks or cellulite I might add! She's there for a good time for as long as it lasts. No strings, no long term commitment. This seems to be a happy middle ground in recapturing your lost youth yet not worrying whether he sticks around or not.  No wonder "Mrs Robinson" is still such an iconic role model for these temptress ladies.

As a society though are we still made to feel a little uncomfortable at the thought of an older woman dating a much younger man?  Were eyebrows raised when Michael Douglas married Catherine Zeta Jones, 25 years his junior?Rod Stewert married Penny Lancaster with also a 25 year age gap? Not really. Some thought it may not last, the younger spouses wanting to stay up late and party perhaps. But these men bring alot to the table. Not just wealth but experience, maturity and most importanly less likely to stray. Turn the tables, however and we are not so readily able to accept such an age gap between an older woman and younger man.


But why? Because we have been brain washed by the mass media that beauty and youth are the only attributes that serve a woman. We have been led to believe that men are influenced first and foremost by physical beauty and not inner beauty. And yes even in the 21st century. Lets be honest ageism is very much alive and kicking down the self esteem of women and men eveywhere. You would be a liar and a fool to deny it. The proof? Just look in the magazines and shops. Anti wrinkle this and anti age that. The companies that make such products would not survive if we were not slaves to the beauty industry. Ladies, we are the ones who buy into this misconception that we are only as good as the moisturiser we use. And whilst I wholeheartedly subscribe to taking care of oneself both in health and appearance, I do not want to waste my life worrying whether I look 10 years younger than I really am.

Can you imagine a world where make up, hair dye, plastic surgery, botox, anti wrinkle creams  and designer clothers did not exist? In that world we would have to look for something else to act as our self worth. How about intelligence, sense of humour, kindness, patience and a positive outlook. Guess what? I already have these attributes and so do most  men and women out there. It's just a shame that they are not the primary focus in the mass media, the most powerful influence in our lives.