beauty and the mass media beast!

Looking back at my dating experiences I realise that the majority of men with whom I've gone out with, dated or had a relationship with, have been younger than me. I'm not talking about the Demi Moore - Ashton Kutcher 15 year age gap however but enough of a difference to put my self-consciousness on high alert. Facial lines appear more pronounced despite the plethora of anti aging creams in the bathroom cabinet and the once every 2 monthly visit to the hair salon increases to 4-6 weekly, should he,God forbid, find a stray grey hair or two.

The pressure to stay looking young is evident in all that we read in magazines and watch in movies or on TV however it is fiercly highlighted when dating a younger man. Referring back to Demi More and Ashton Kutcher's 15 year age gap, it is rumoured that she has spent £250k since 2007 on plastic surgery, liposuction and even knee surgery. If an A list Hollywood star, as naturally beautiful and talented as Demi Moore, feels the pressure to stay young looking for her toy boy husband, then what hope is there for the rest of us? Does Michael Douglas feel under pressure to embark on a quest for eternal youth in order to stop his stunning wife Catherine Zeta Jones runnning for the (Hollywood) hills? Apparantley so. It's been reported that he has undergone a face and brow lift. But even Catherine Zeta Jones herself has had help from the surgeon's knife in maintaining her beauty.

So is the pressure to literally peel back the years from having a younger spouse? or really from being in the fickle scrutinising eye of the mass media?

"Cougars" are the vastly growing number of savvy ladies on the hunt for younger men. This woman has the self confidence to command awestruck respect from her younger prey that she can manipulate him to go along with whatever she says. Enough life experiences have taught her what matters and what doesn't and she has faced her insecurities and fears. She is not going to bother her latest squeeze with feminine frivalities that often turn men off, ie: "Does my bum look big in this?". She knows what she looks good in and what to avoid. Probably most importantly for her less experienced partner, is that she can teach him a thing or two between the sheets...with the light on and not worrying about showing her stretch marks or cellulite I might add! She's there for a good time for as long as it lasts. No strings, no long term commitment. This seems to be a happy middle ground in recapturing your lost youth yet not worrying whether he sticks around or not.  No wonder "Mrs Robinson" is still such an iconic role model for these temptress ladies.

As a society though are we still made to feel a little uncomfortable at the thought of an older woman dating a much younger man?  Were eyebrows raised when Michael Douglas married Catherine Zeta Jones, 25 years his junior?Rod Stewert married Penny Lancaster with also a 25 year age gap? Not really. Some thought it may not last, the younger spouses wanting to stay up late and party perhaps. But these men bring alot to the table. Not just wealth but experience, maturity and most importanly less likely to stray. Turn the tables, however and we are not so readily able to accept such an age gap between an older woman and younger man.


But why? Because we have been brain washed by the mass media that beauty and youth are the only attributes that serve a woman. We have been led to believe that men are influenced first and foremost by physical beauty and not inner beauty. And yes even in the 21st century. Lets be honest ageism is very much alive and kicking down the self esteem of women and men eveywhere. You would be a liar and a fool to deny it. The proof? Just look in the magazines and shops. Anti wrinkle this and anti age that. The companies that make such products would not survive if we were not slaves to the beauty industry. Ladies, we are the ones who buy into this misconception that we are only as good as the moisturiser we use. And whilst I wholeheartedly subscribe to taking care of oneself both in health and appearance, I do not want to waste my life worrying whether I look 10 years younger than I really am.

Can you imagine a world where make up, hair dye, plastic surgery, botox, anti wrinkle creams  and designer clothers did not exist? In that world we would have to look for something else to act as our self worth. How about intelligence, sense of humour, kindness, patience and a positive outlook. Guess what? I already have these attributes and so do most  men and women out there. It's just a shame that they are not the primary focus in the mass media, the most powerful influence in our lives.

over the top....has the fight against identity fraud gone too far?

I received a call recently from my credit card company. It was a callback that I'd requested in order to advise them I had a change of address. Apparently the customer service rep I spoke with a couple of days earlier was not qualified to change addresses!? Anyway suffice to say that they did indeed call me back. This is how the conversation went:

Rep: "Hello is that Miss Murray?"
Me: "Yes, hello"
Rep: "Hello Miss Murray it's xxxxxxx.Credit Card company phoning regarding your change of address"
Me: " Yes that's right, I have a new address"
Rep: "No problem Miss Murray. I just need to run through some security questions with you"

Normally at this point I remind them that it was they who had rung me and I would refuse to prove I was in fact the person they had rung.

I did this once with my mobile phone company and she suggested I call them back on a specific number in order to verify it was indeed them. She failed to realise that she had actually done the exact same thing. By phoning me on my mobile number (issued by them)  wasn't adequate proof that I wasn't an impostor. Yet they expected me to phone their number (not issued by me) and be satisfied that they were genuine. For all I know it could have been some cowboy outfit with access to thousands of phone number scamming us by pretending to be a well known mobile co. and accessing our personal information. I knew it wasn't but out of principal I didn't call them back.

On this occassion however I had to get my address changed and apparently this was the only way possible despite all the advances in technology and the numerous means of communicating at our disposal. I was also expecting this call and so had no reason to be suspicious.  I took a deep breath and proceeded to answer the following idiotic security questions:

Rep: "Can you confirm your full name please"?

Oh I soo wanted to snap back "You've been calling me by it for the last few minutes!". However I refrained and through gritted teeth gave him my full name.

Rep: "Can I have your full date of birth please". Again I answered, trying to remain ever so polite and not burst into some angry rant.

Rep: "Can I have the last four digits of your credit card please Miss Murray?"

I don't know how I was holding it together but I played along.

You would think by now that would be enough. They had phoned me, I'd confirmed my full name, d.o.b and last 4 digits of my card surely all suspicion that I was a fraudster would be removed. But there was more....

Rep: " Can I have the first and third letter of your password?"

Surely now this would suffice??What next? My vital statistics?!!

Rep continues "can you please tell me Miss Murray the last two recent purchases made with your credit card?".

I actually could not remember what these were as fortunately I do not use this card very often and I didn't think it was that crucial in the crusade against identity theft. I really wanted to argue this point with him but I'd got this far I didn't want to risk being cut off and having to go through the entire ridiculous process again. He  must have sensed by now that I was at the end of my tether...I was practically hissing the answers out...and so the perverse little creature decided to punish me further...

Rep admonishes me " Well in that case Miss Murray please provide me with your email address?" Good grief!!

Clearly this is how he gets his kicks and I know why Rep # 1 was  not qualified to deliver the change of address process. He obviously wasn't a member of the KGB's mental torture unit!!

Has the fight against identity fraud gone too far or was I just being a teeny wee bit premenstrual?

"Once a prostitute always a prostitute.."??

I thought I'd seen everything that reality TV could throw at me...programs offering a platform to showcase hidden talent along with disillusioned wannabees we the viewers all love to mock and ridicule or B list celebrities thrown together in a tropical jungle facing their fears not just by wrestling with snakes and spiders but spending any length of time in close proximity with former "I'm a Celebrity get me out of here" contestant, Janice Dickinson would make chewing on kangaroo testicles as easy as eating marshmallows! Along with a multitude of other "fly on the wall" shows what next in the realm of so called "reality" TV?

 "Once a prostitute always a prostitute" is not the title of a new reality show but the opinion of a male resident of Lusaka, Zambia in response to hearing about the new TV show which has been launched by Zambian TV to help "former" prostitutes find a husband. " it is very difficult for them to just change overnight" he concluded. What!!?? Faced with the prospect of a husband, roof over their heads and food in their mouths does this man really think a former prostitute would turn it down preferring to live a life thwart with danger, self loathing and shame?


"Ready for Marriage" is the new reality TV show which involves18 sex workers who stand to win a cash prize of $9000 and have their wedding paid for. They have been taken  from the streets in different parts of the country and the program makers claim that "we want to make a difference to these women's lives. These are people after all". Really? Nothing to do with pretty much guaranteeing huge audience figures then? The viewers participate by voting off contestants every week. Those contestants get a consolation prize of $1000 - $1500 and help in finding a full time job so that they do not return to prostitution....very commendable.

But why a TV show? Why make a parody of a very serious issue with sensationalism if it's not for monetary gain? Exploiting these women's misfortune. What happens to all the other prostitutes not chosen? Are they lining up hoping to be picked for series 2 or 3, until then do they remain prostitutes in order to one day qualify?
 
Forget the camera, lights, action and lose the cabaret...if the sentiment was genuine then the TV company should donate money to set up a support network for these women. They could then film the progress and success stories.

And what of the potential husband? Is it a wife he's really looking for...??

A friend in need...................... is minus a fish.

One of the many advantages of being a spinster is that I am more often than not available to my friends to help them out in their hour of need. At a drop of a hat I can jump in my car and be at my friend's door to deal with whatever crisis prevails, offering support whether emotionally or financially. I do not have to worry about a hubby or any children being fed and taken care of, as I only have myself to deal with, giving me time and emotional energy to sacrifice to those very important to me, a deed which is gladly undertaken, time and time again.

So it was without hesitation that I agreed to "house sit" for a very good friend of mine whilst her and her family went on vacation to sunny Spain for 2 weeks. This meant moving in to their 6 bedroom house enjoying some much needed solitude and relaxation. This is not without its demands however and after an hours crash course in the operation of household appliances, door locks and a briefing of local knowledge, I waved farewell to the "Winner" family, closed the door behind them and allowed peace to descend.

But not for long....... part of the package included a menagerie of family pets. 1 dog, 5 cats  and 6 fish....oops make that 5 fish as of this morning! I already knew about the existance of the dog and 5 cats and was purrrrfectly happy to play the part of dog lover and cat loving spinster,  however it was not until the eve of the "Winners" departure  that I learnt about the family of fish that lived on the top floor of the three storey house belonging to the youngest male member of the family. The "Winners" (in every sense of the word)  were on their way to Viva Espagna and I was on my way to Viva Dr. Dolittle!

  
I have only ever in my life taken care of 1 fish. Won from a funfair, a goldfish swimming around and around in its archetype goldfish bowl, enjoying a typical  2 week life span often associated with merry go round prizes, is a very pleasant but non eventful non tasking experience in a young childs life! So for me to have the responsibility of 6 fish inhabiting an aquarium ....what could possibly go wrong??

I know as much about fish as I do about quantum physics, ie: I like the idea of it but it seems too much like hard work for very little gain. Besides, it makes my head hurt!

The instructions were, however,  simple enough....feed twice a day (small pinch of flakey fish food) and turn aquarium light on and off accordingly.

The first week passed without event and my confidence grew as the Noah of the "Winner" residence.

Into the second week my lack of marine knowledge was highlighted as I ignored the telltale signs of aquarium in distress. As the days passed the tanks water turned a deeper and darker green until I could no longer  see the fish unless they swam  as near as possible up against the glass trying to amplify their silent plea  of "I'm a fish...... get me the f**k out of here"!!

I had no idea, I didn't realise, I was not suspicious of the ever increasingly invisible fish in the whirl of neon glowing, nuclear waste disposal coloured water.


Until this morning.......

 I eat fish for supper. I handle their grey scaled skin. I smother in butter and herbs without issue.  But when faced with a 3 inch long, silver, dead fish, early morning, eye balling me from the water's surface, I felt physically repulsed. I struggled to "fish" it  out of the tank...'scuse the pun! I used a dessert spoon and a leftover take away carton in which to remove him/her??? and for some strange reason held my breath the entire time!! WTF!! The demised fish is now in the "Winner" kitchen garbage bin!!

The lightbulb in my head has illuminated and the tank is now clean and shiny complete with crystal clear water. That said I am now officially on "Fish watch" for the remaining 5 days!!

36 month glitch.........!

According to recent studies in the UK the 7 year itch has now become the 3 year glitch. This is the time that stress levels in relationships peak and the first flushes of romance have well and truly disappeared down the toilet! Those minor irritations that are harmless, almost funny and cute at the start of love develop into major annoyances which fuel arguments, cause the slamming of doors and force the back to back sleeping position. Yes we've all been there at some point in a relationship when your gorgeous adorable "sweet cheeks" becomes a vile monstrous specimin all because the toilet seat is left up, the top left off of the toothpaste or dirty socks abandoned on the bedroom floor. Little nuances which were once overlooked and readily dismissed when the rose tinted glasses were on and love really was blind.

The top 10 everyday niggles and passion killers in relationships are defined as follows;

1. Weight gain/lack of exercise.
2. Money & Spend thriftiness 
3. Anti Social working hours
4. Hygiene issues, personal cleanliness
5. In Laws & extended family seeing too much/too little of.
6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc)
7. Alcohol - drinking too much
8. Snoring and anti social behaviour
9. Lapsed fashion sense - losing touch with fashion & wearing the same old underwear/clothes
10. Bathroom habits failing to lock doors, stray toenail cuttings, cleaning up etc  

 As I look down this list I see clearly that there is a correlation between these points. Each irritation is the cause and effect:



Weight gain is inevitable. Going out to dinner, sharing take aways, curled up together watching a movie eating ice cream, pop corn , chocolate etc will all contribute to that expanding waistline. Once realisation hits that you literally eating the contents of your bank account then common sense prevails and cut backs are introduced hence the need to watch the pennies and decrease the spending. Cue the arguments over how much was spent in the hair salon and the night out with the lads. In addition to keeping the wolf from the door, extra money needs to be earnt and what does that mean? Yep you guessed it....anti social working hours of course! And if your working all the hours in the day, who has the time and energy to devote hours and hours in the bathroom?? Enter # 4!


So how do numbers 1 - 4 lead to # 5? Well if my gorgeous sexy partner had turned into a lardy lazy arsed, stinky pits haggered looking scrooge, I would be too embarrassed for anyone to see him or would use spending time out with my friends and family as an excuse just to get then hell away from him! # 6 - lack of romance/sex.....well do I really need to explain?? 1 - 5 have already put paid to any bedroom antics or loving gestures.


At this point you are now in a relationship with no sex, no money and no time together so there's only one thing for it....alcohol!! You've been driven to it. Drowning your sorrows or getting blind drunk to block out the reality! Bring on # 8! Excessive drinking leads to anti social behaviour and a drunken slumber leads to loud body shaking snoring.
# 9 & 10 I'm sure you can figure out yourself but I think I've made my point. 

The slow demise of a relationship stems from the beginning.  This knock on effect sequence snowballs and gets out of control.....however only if you let it. If I've learnt anything from past relationships it is  focus more on what he/she does well and don't sweat the small stuff!

My Second Award!

A second award was bestowed on me some days ago....I am a little remiss to ackowledge it but would like to thank Kelly from Psychocarnival:  http://psychocarnival.blogspot.com/2011/05/award-from-minute-mans-wife-and.html for this honour.Greatly appreciated!! Now you never know what you are going to get from this guy, I guess that's why the word "Psycho" feature in his blog title. Most of his posts are not for the faint hearted or anyone who offends easily, yet other posts are full of sensitivity  giving him an edgy appeal. If you want a good laugh then visit his blog NOW!
Having received this award I am to also mention another 5 bloggers who I feel are noteworthy of this accolade which is about supporting other fellow bloggers.  So here goes.............

• Count Sneaky http://countsneakysjournal.blogspot.com/ :
  MORAL AND REFINED, UNIQUE, AND ECCENTRIC ENTERTAINMENT FOR LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF ALL AGES...  A man full of great advise, thank you.
• http://klahanie.blogspot.com/ -
  A Man Challenging His 'Inner Critic'. Klahanie is a great support to old and new bloggers alike. I received my first award from him and consequently more interest and interaction with my blog. Gary, thank you!
• Little Pink Rain Boots - http://littlepinkrainboots.blogspot.com/ - A very endearing blogger who has written her own book and  I hope to follow in her footsteps. Download or buy her new novel "The Collector" by Julie Elliot - http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vROrpgbYWDE/TeGbVIn57JI/AAAAAAAAAdA/k2tuIsm1h_A/s1600/Paperback.JPG
• Soundoff by Heather P - http://1soundingoff.blogspot.com/  A lady going through her trial and tribulations yet remaining positive throughout! An Inspiration!
• The Wolf writing at http://thesnafureport.blogspot.com/ - unbelievably blunt, none PC, says it how it is, no skirting around the bush, no looking through rose tinted glasses. Again not for the easily offended but certainly for the open minded, dare to go against the grain, reader.

A BIG THANKYOU TO YOU ALL!xx

If you've got an itch....scratch it!???

Whilst having a quiet drink out the other evening I involuntarily overheard a giggling female proclaim rather loudly to her girlfriend that she had purchased  an Ann Summers "Whisper" vibrator! I thought to myself that she should perhaps whisper about it, rather than loudly advertise her intimate DIY sessions across the crowded bar! That aside like most single women of any age, her sexual needs are there to be fulfilled and a vibrator is one sure way of getting there.

The altenative? Acquire a fwb (friend with benefits) or have casual (safe)sex with whoever, whenever it takes her fancy. Dating sites are numerous, catering  for all needs, whether you just need to scratch that itch -  "Shagbook" is the adult version of  Facebook, claiming to be a safe secure no strings attached adult dating site. I fail to see the relavance of using the word "dating" in the profile of the Facebook of sex! This is clearly a way to just hook up for one on one, no dating required. What next, the sexual gratification alternative of "My Space" ....... "My Place...or yours"?? Whilst other sites such as eharmony and match.com, suggest that the possibility of meeting your "soulmate" is within reach should you join their community for a monthly fee. These are all harmless enough as long as expectations are kept to a minimum and an open mind is ever present.

More worryingly, however, are recently emerging sites aimed at "married" people! Yes, you read correctly. They claim to be an alternative source of passion for those Mr & Mrs's in unfulfilling relatonships. Husbands and wives whose marriages are at some stage more churlish than cherish can surf the net for an affair. What is even more unnerving is clearly there is a market for this "service" as more and more of these sites are springing up. "Illicit Encounters" - a discreet and confidential extra marial affair service; "AffairsClub" - for the married and lonely, to name just a few, yet all have one common clear message -  Find Passion, Have an Affair!

What has our society become when we allow the sanctity of marriage to be so openly vilified by viewing affairs in a positive light? Tempting and encouraging people to partake. Surely by making having an affair so easily accessable indicates that it is perfectly acceptable, I mean everyone else is doing it so why not??

10 years ago surfing the net for love was frowned upon and deemed as a little desparate but look at it now. It is as socially acceptable as sending a birthday card online. I fear the same will happen with online affairs to the point where the illicitness and danger of it will become the norm. Not to mention the implicatons should one adulterer fall in "love" with their "partner in crime". Surely, these sites are just setting up already unhappy people for even more sorrow??

And I wonder too if the people who operate or work in them are married??