Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Bachelors have more fun....?

Bachelor Spinster Bachelor Spinster Bachelor Spinster.......why is it that these two words which pretty much mean the same thing, when spoken, conjure up completely different images?  However.....Spinster Old Maid Spinster Old Maid ....our thought process here doesn't really recognise a difference between the two words. Similarly.... Bachelor and Stud sit in the same category. Whereas...Stud and Old Maid are at completely opposite ends of the scale. Why is it that the bachelor gets to have the Stud label associated with him and the Spinster has inherited the title of Old Maid? Who's having more fun.....well the Stud of course.

Revered by married men for remaining single and ultimately keeping their "freedom", bachelors do not have to justify or make excuses for being unmarried and childless. They don't get to the age of 40 and announce to the world that they are eager to settle down and live happily ever after in domestic bliss. They have chosen and celebrate their single status and will only choose to change it when they are good and ready and not by the age determined on their birth certificate.  Until then they remain a highly sought after commodity.

Our beloved Spinsters however, face a different association. Imagine an Old Maid and the picture in your head is not that of a sexy, sassy, confident, independant sex in the city Samantha. Bachelors get George Clooney on their side and we get Miss Havisham! Sad, pitiful, bitter and left behind are all adjectives used to describe a her.  Cats and knitting feature strongly in her life.

Think of Bachelor Pad and think of who lives in such a place? Someone who is charismatic, a catch,  a ladies man. The fact that a place to live is named after them screams to the rest of us that this lifestyle is desirable for a man. The "most eligible bachelor" is another accolade for these single men to aspire to. There is no such equivalent for the Spinster. You won't see a "Spinster Pad" advertised in your local estate agent nor will the "most eligible Spinsters" feature on the front  cover of such publications as FHM, GQ or any other of the men's popular magazines, in order to increase sales.  However you may find them on the front cover of "Simply Knitting" or "Your Cat" magazines!!

And why is it that a 40 something woman wanting to find the one, get married and have children is seen as desperate? Her desire is understandibly driven by the ticking of her biological clock....what is wrong with that?

So what is the alternative. Shall we call ourselves "Cougars" (now that is desperate). Bachelorettes? (sounds too young and flighty).

It really is time to dispense with the stigma and outdated stereotype associated with Spinsters....I mean who knits these days anyway? It should be replaced with the definition that an older unmarried woman is just plain picky!!

Thursday, 24 March 2011

From the Spinster's mouth....

A true hollywood icon and most definitely NOT one of life's Spinsters, eight times married Dame Elizabeth Taylor sadly passed away this week. She cetainly had her fair share of weddings, honeymoons, in-laws and husbands. Equally though her fair share of heartache and pain as yet another marriage failed. But to her credit that didn't stop her from not giving up on love and happy ever after. Unlike another hollywood star, Greta Garbo, who failed to turn up to her wedding to John Gilbert in 1927....“You don't have to be married to have a good friend as your partner for life.”....  "There are some who want to get married and others who don't. I have never had an impulse to go to the altar. I am a difficult person to lead". Greta Garbo

 She never married, had no children and lived alone. 

Following on from this I thought it would be intrigiung to know the reasons, beliefs and thoughts from other well known Spinsters about their unmarried, childless status. Is it intentional or accidental, is it a burden or a benifit? Read  their thoughts below and see for your self:

"I don't think that because I'm not married it's made my life any less. That old maid myth is garbage."  
Diane Keaton

"It’s probably not just by chance that I’m alone. It would be very hard for a man to live with me, unless he’s terribly strong. And if he’s stronger than I, I’m the one who can’t live with him. … I’m neither smart nor stupid, but I don’t think I’m a run-of-the-mill person. I’ve been in business without being a businesswoman, I’ve loved without being a woman made only for love. The two men I’ve loved, I think, will remember me, on earth or in heaven, because men always remember a woman who caused them concern and uneasiness. I’ve done my best, in regard to people and to life, without precepts, but with a taste for justice."  
 Coco Chanel

"I'm just not the marrying kind"
Oprah Winfrey

“I go on looking. Some day my prince will come".
Susan Boyle

 "I think the big misconception in our society is that we're supposed to meet the one when we're 18 and we're supposed to get married to them and love them for the rest of our lives. Bulls**t."
...., "Who would want to be with the same person for 80 years? Why not break it up a little bit?"
...... "I think people get freaked out about getting married and spending 20 or 30 years sleeping with the same person, but if that's the case, don't do it."
"Have someone for five years and another person for another five years... Life is long and lucky and yes, love might last forever, but you don't always live with the person you love forever."
Cameron Diaz

“I very much believe in marriage. I hope to only be married once, which is why I’ve never been married. But I am a strong believer. My parents have been together for 40 years and are still very much in love so I think I have very high standards.”.....“If you’re a woman and you want to have children, you feel a little bit of pressure there.”
Winona Ryder

"Maybe it's a path I'll never go down. All I know is you can do worse than expect the unexpected," 
Kylie Minogue

"I am afraid of the word marriage. I'm afraid of making the commitment and failing because I never want to be divorced. I don't want divorce to enter my whole reality."
Naomi Campbell

“Anything is to be preferred or endured rather than marrying without affection,”
Jane Austen

"I have a moral, an active nature which requires satisfaction and that I would not find in his life. I could be satisfied to spend a life with him in combining our different powers to some great object. I could not satisfy this nature by spending a life with him in making society and arranging domestic things".
Florence Nightingale in her diary Florence Nightingale explained why she decided to turn down the offer of marriage to Richard Moncton Milnes. 

"If I follow the inclination of my nature, it is this: beggar-woman and single, far rather than queen and married."
Queen Elizabeth I

And finally Dame Elizabeth Taylor on her numerous marriages..

“My mother says I didn't open my eyes for eight days after I was born, but when I did, the first thing I saw was an engagement ring. I was hooked.”

Saturday, 5 March 2011

What is the way to a man's heart....?

They say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but I'm beginning to think it's through being a complete and utter bitch! It never fails to amaze me how so many men are attracted to women wth the moral standards of Cruella Da Vil and the destructive narcissism of Alexis Carrington! Why is being treated like dirt  such a turn on for our male counterparts? Is it the dominatrix undertones that leads them in to thinking they are guaranteed great sex? Do the harsh words, constant put downs and temper tantrums that they are subjected to, uncover a deep rooted neediness first planted there by those men's overbearing suffocating mothers?

I recently enjoyed a lovely evening at a friend's dinner party. Two of the couples I had never met before and both seemed very pleasant and pretty normal at first. However, as the evening wore on it became increasingly noticeble that one of the couples had a Jessica and Roger Rabbit set up. He appeared to be a really nice genuine young man who behaved completely  lovingly towards the object of his affections. However, to my horror the obviously smitten guy was frequently referred to by his so called "sweetheart" as a tosser and a twat!  She swore at him constantly and even made threatening gestures with her arms that she was very capable of punchng the living daylights out of him!

This is just one example of many I have heard and witnessed over time. Like the very wealthy older man who lavishes gifts and holidays on a very undeserving woman who in return keeps him hidden from family and friends and will not be seen in public with him because of his age.  In addition she has made no secret that he is a "stepping stone" until someone better comes along. Why does he accept this treatment? Is he just grateful that he's got someone!??Or the young father who stays at home looking after his child while young  mum is out partying and enjoying the wanted attention from other men. He idolises her and showers her with a seemingly neverending supply of love and devotion and forgives her every indescretion. Their relationship is on and off more frequently than a flashing light...currently it's off!

Okay so these guys obviously allow themselves to be walked all over and a relationship of mutual kindness, loyalty and respect serves no purpose in their masochistic love lives. Treat them mean, keep then keen catches your man, reels him in and keeps him hanging on your line. Is this where I've been going wrong all these years? Do I then, therefore, have to stamp my feet, scream & shout and verbally abuse my way through a relationship in order to keep my man? Well it all sounds very exhausting to me and not much fun...I'd rather stay single!                           
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