Friday, 28 January 2011

Ready for the Weekend?

 The Weekend is upon us and what does it have in  store for a Spinster lady like myself?   Well first of all, it will be devoid of alcohol as have the last two and half weeks! I decided  that I had over indulged not just over Christmas and New Year but for the past 12 months (ok maybe 12 years) and it was time to give my poor liver and kidneys some well earned R&R. In addition it's time to have a word with yourself when you win an award on a ski trip, not for skiing but for being the "Party Animal" of the week!! Something has to be done! During the days of sobriety I imagine my detoxifying system cocooned now, safe and sound in a swirl of sparkling water, smiling contently, softly slumbering. For now!

I am busy over the next two days. My first engagement will take me on a 10 mile hike into the hills accompanied by fellow Spatchelors (Spinsters & Batchelors), Singledons, Divorcees and an occasional Spoken for Person. This is an adventure group I belong to which is great for getting out and about, not necessarily to meet people, but having things to do that doesn't mean relying on anyone else. You just book and turn up and get to spend a day out with like minded people.  No indecisons, no one lettng you down at the last minute. Perfect!

The weekend continues with a couple of birthdays. First my father's 75th! I sometimes wonder what he thinks of my single status. He comes from an different era, I'm sure he took it for granted that his youngest would get married and have children. At this point I could digress and delve into my family's  history of matrimony but that in itself is an entire posting and I will save it for another day.

Then on to a birthday bash which will take up a whole day and night! I will know 3 people out of 100 but that's the beauty of parties, meeting strangers will inevitably extend your social circle and opens up endless opportunities!

So a full weekend! How can I worry about my single status when my diary is full and I have the freedom to just take off to wherever and whenever? How can I complain about being lonely when by Sunday night I will have met another 97 people? I am in a good place.: )Which brings me nicely to the quote below from a very famous Spinster.........have a good weekend everyone!

"If I follow the inclination of my nature, it is this: beggar-woman and single, far rather than queen and married."
Elizabeth I

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Surfing for Love

We don't look for love anymore we surf for it. 10 years ago Internet Dating was pursued by thousands, but in secret. Now it is as socially acceptable as sending birthday cards online. I used to turn my nose up at the whole online dating game. I viewed advertising yourself to strangers as  reeking of desparation. How sad to stoop to such levels. But I realise I was only pretending to myself that I was fine as I was and didn't need any help, I could find my own love. Well.... I hadn't yet! So after much persuasion and under some duress from my circle of friends I joined an online dating site for 6 months with the view that if my soulmate had not appreared after this time,then that was it, I'd given it a go and could not be accused of  knocking it before I tried it.

So after answering the plethora of psychosymetric questions, to which point I knew so much more about myself I wasn't sure if I liked me anymore...!!, and attaching a recent enough photo that should we meet, the real me wasn't too far removed from my profile image, I presented myself to Dating Land!! Here I am ....come and get me!!

Was I expecting a deluge of winks and nudges would have been nice I admit and the respectful amount I did receive made me feel flattered, even if some were sent by the Tweedledees and Tweedledums of this earth! Well I'm sorry but there were some "questionable" images!!   And unless they  looked half decent I wasn't going to venture futher into their profile. Fickle you may call it..........been a realist I call it!

Jumping a few steps brings us to my first suitable match.  On paper we were compatible at every level and we lived close to each other, a brucey bonus. We spoke on the phone and made each other laugh. We seemed at ease and very much of the same ilk and so we decided to meet up. With my heart pounding, stomach churning and nerves all over the place, I ran down to the door in answer to his anouncement that he'd arrived. I locked the door behind me, spun round, and there he was. And I knew there and then that he was not "the one". I didn't expect fireworks or to be consumed with an uncontrollable desire to throw myself into his arms but I did want a spark, a knowing look.  It wasn't there and whilst the evening was very pleasant "it" didn't materialise and I looked for "it".... very hard.

So it just goes to show that there is no scientific test, labatory experiment and disecting of personalities, characteristics, likes and dislikes that will guarantee you Mr Right. If he hasn't got "it"...and you both don't create a spark, then it's all in vain.

I will leave my cupids bow to be fired by the Universe, the Cosmos, Fate.

And what is "it" that we all look invisible, unspoken, intangible connection......

Saturday, 22 January 2011

What do men think of Spinsters?

I had dinner the other evening with a business associate. He's a multi millionaire (self made), 10 years older than me, very worldy wise and a bit of a rascal (his own words). He loves to chase women and will do so until he dies. He is the archetype rogue but  always honest with women about what he wants. He is a charmer and very charismatic and I'm sure will never be devoid of female company. Certainly if he makes them feel how I felt that evening.... like a lady. When a man opens a door for me, pulls out a chair ...I like it alot and do not apologise for that. In those situatons I like a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. He was very attentive and complimentary.  I was never without a drink and if I needed anything he summoned the waiters to attend to me.

Our conversation covered many topics but mainly our own personal relationships. He doesn't worry about being one day in his seventies, what I called him. "a lonely old man". He's never met the right woman and even if he did, he says he could never be loyal. I, however, do worry. Not about him!!Ha Ha!  About myself. I do not  want to travel the rest of my journey alone. I want a lover, a friend, a soulmate. I told him I was lonely in my  heart and wanted  happy ever after. However,  I would not settle for just anyone. I would rather be alone than with the wrong guy just for the sake of  having someone there.

I questioned his view on my Spinster status and he didn't find it  odd and couldn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with it. He says my  standards are high and that's a good thing. He concluded that at least I wasn't in a  loveless marriage or had gone through the heartache of divorce.  If Mr Right had already made an appearance in my life then I wouldn't be single but clearly he hadn't....yet!

It seems I've avoided alot of  potential sadness in my life. Does that mean I should feel fortunate with my Spinster status? Maybe I'm more worried about what other people think, especially the opposite sex. I thought all men would view me with suspicion and wonder why I hadn't ventured down the marital path, there must be something wrong with me??  However, my friend has given me some hope that not all men think that way.

And yes he did ask me to go to bed with him but I was expecting that.,,,,and did I???

Thursday, 20 January 2011

Accidental Spinster.

I didn't intend to get to the age of 42 without being married or having had children. I try not to think about it as a failure but sometimes I  am influenced by how Society dictates the way we should live. School, College, University, get a job, get career, get  married, have kids etc etc. In my teens I never wanted any of that so I followed my heart and travelled. I didn't want to be the stereotypical wife and mother. BE CAREFUL FOR WHAT YOU WISH FOR rings loudly in my head these days. I'm trying to find an aim, a path, a reason for being....I am a little lost at times and am missing the fulfilment and achievements that having a husband and family could fill. Or at least that's what I'm led to believe. I feel sad that I dismissed the path that nature set for me  because I didn't want to be and do the same as everyone else,,,I wanted to be different! Now I do feel different, I feel a little I feel a failure? Yes, at times. I don't know how I should act. I'm a single woman but I'm 42 to for Godsake...should I act like a single woman too? Am I destined to party out the rest of my years? I don't want to be a Sex in the City Samanth nor do I want to be a Miss Havisham but how do you get a fine balance? And if I'd known back then that Spinsterhood would follow my path too, would I have changed anything?

Monday, 17 January 2011

Spinsters of note..

Well it seems we are in good company. Here is a list of well known women all of whom were/are spinsters...

Joan of Arc
Florence Nightingale
Jane Austen
Emily and Anne Bronte
Queen Elizabeth 1st
Mother Teresa (unless of course being married to "God" counts)
Oprah Winfrey
Diane Keeton 
Naomi Campbell 
Cameron Diaz
Sheryl Crow
Winona Ryder
Kylie Minogue

All successful, talented, strong, independant women. 

Now would they have had such characteristics had they been married? What do you think?

Please feel to add suggestions to this list of any other Spinsters of note, whether alive or death departed. Thanks

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Old Maid ..?

I've started this blog to reach out to those women (and some men) who find themselve over 40, never married and without kids, like myself. I want to know  if the modern day spinster is stereotypical of a victorian old maid, a Dickens' Miss Havisham, pining over a lost love? Now I don't expect us all to be virgins, I'm certainly not, nor do I expect us to live in seclusion with numerous pet cats. But just how far does the victorian stigma that goes with being a spinster, reach into our 21st Century lives? Are we embarrassed or feel ashamed? Do we feel "left on the shelf"? Or are we embracing the freedom, enjoyment and surplus cash that comes with being a mature single  woman. So are you a Miss Havisham or a Sex in the City Samantha? Or a little of both....??
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