Ahoy the good ship Talia...!

Earlier this year I had the good fortune to be invited to help crew a Catamaran for 10 days off the south coast of England. I had done some sailing in my years but these seafaring ventures were brief, few and far between. Clearly, however, I had involuntarily painted a different picture when in my alcohol induced state I discussed my love and experience of sailing with exaggerated aplomb through new forged friendships on a skiing holiday in Italy New Year 2011.

So when the invite landed in my inbox a few months later I gladly accepted with the hope that my 4 fellow crew mates were all "Old Salts" as it were and that a 5th member was more of an added bonus than a necessity. How wrong I was....!

Talia

On arrival I was informed that 1 male crew member had suddenly "abandoned ship" before even climbing on board due to unforseen cirumstances. This left a crew of 4 consisting of 1 male and 3 females. Our Captain (the only male) and Catamaran owner had thankfully 10 years sailing experience behind him. The other 2 crew members also had clocked up a fair few hours on the ocean waves. And so with my best barefoot forward I rose to the challange ahead and prepared myself to be "thrown in at the deep end" as it was quite literally "all hands on deck" for the next 10 days of our advenure at sea.

Harry's Rocks

Talia

 

Is age really just a number??

I have often been told that I look (and act) younger than I am. By rights I should look a very haggard 42 year old considering I have partied considerably hard since my teenage years but thanks to good family genes (and afew make-up tricks) I am still able to cling to the last vestiges of youth. And before time catches up with me and the copious amounts of alcohol, cigarettes and lack of sleep form deep etched lines and wrinkles in my face perhaps I should take advantage that my face still has some structure and is not yet a cloth sack. So next month I will turn 43 but have decided I will tell new acquaintances that I am 38, a full 5 years younger.


Why would I do this when I am actually not ashamed of my age? Well first of all to see if I could get away with it, I am taking a risk afterall. It would be such a knockback (and hilariously funny) if  I received shock responses and pitying looks that scream of "she must have had a hard paper round"!

In fact, I am curious to see if I would be treated any different as a woman in her late 30's than a spinster in her early 40's. They say that the forties are the new thirties so technically I wouldn't be lying. Would I attract the attention of younger people to me? Would it be more socially acceptable for me to hang out with people in their twenties? Does 38, never married and no children sound so much better and justifiable than 43, never married and no kids? Well it shouldn't but it does.

Age is used as a yardstick to measure how good you look, how much you have achieved and how healthy you are and what more you have left to offer the world.   No wonder so many people approach their 40th birthday with trepidation and a sense of "it's all downhill from here". Society dictates that you pretty much should have it all wrapped up by your forties. Education, travel, marriage and kids and that now "life begins" since the kids have flown the nest and  you can perhaps put yourself first for once. Take up hobbies or buy a holiday home and spend every weekend enjoying the freedom that "cutting the apron strings" brings. But what about those of us hurtling fast into our forties who got to first and second base but never quite obtained marriage and kids. Do we still go in search of that?  How are we depicted by society.....failures or life's Peter Pans?

Recently on a train I sat opposite two older ladies who had certainly been visited by the menopause and youth had long since waved "Sayonara". However, on striking up a conversation during the journey one of the ladies in particular was very entertaining, spirited and extremely funny. The twinkle in her eye outshone her weather worn wrinkled skin and grey hair. It was her spirit and character that captivated and attracted everyone around her. We all grow old but we don't have to be old. The quote below sums this up perfectly:

"Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul".  ~Samuel Ullman

It really is what's inside that makes us who we are and not the number of years we have been on this earth. Our bodies are merely a temporarily home for a spirit that never ages and time has no bearing. If tomorrow I was granted two wishes, one to be in my thirties again but with about as much personality as a dripping tap or be forty +, spirited, enjoying life, open minded with a wicked sense of humour then I know I would chose the latter. Like attracts like after all and I feel very lucky to have met those kind of people whether they were twenty,  forty or sixty, it is irrelavant.

When the iconic beauty Audrey Hepburn was asked to give her beauty tips below is what she replied. 

1. "For attractive lips speak words of kindness".
2. "For lovely eyes, seek the good in people".
3. "For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry".
4. "For beautifulr hair, let a child run his or hers through it at least once a day".
5. "For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone".
6. "People, even more than things, have to be restored, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone".
7. "Remember if you ever need a helping hand you'll find them at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others".
8. "The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides".
9. "The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows".
10. "The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years."

Contrary to what some may think, Audrey Hepburn did not write this beautiful poem, Sam Levenson did. Levenson wrote "Time Tested Beauty Tips" for his grandchild, and it just so happened to be one of Audrey's favorite poems. She read it to her children on the very last Christmas Eve she spent with us here on Earth.

I could however ignore every word of wisdom and reason to justify aging indiscreetly by doing this one very clever trick. I could tell every one I'm actually older! I would be a fabulous 50 year old. People would ask themselves "what's her secret?", "what moisturiser does she use", "what is her exercise regime", "what is her diet?". And as the years progress I would continue to look much younger than my ficticious age without going under the knife .... I would only have to stay looking older than my chronological age....easy. I could, therefore age not only gracefully but calmly and peacefully which in itself would take years off me, a win win solution don't you think?

Summer Lovin'..............

Can you believe it .....summertime is whizzing by and almost over. In a little over 2 weeks the schools will start a new term, the evenings will grow darker and advertisements for Christmas will fill our TVs. Depressing I know. But as we look back and reflect on another typical wet and windy British summer I wonder how many returned from sunny, hot, far flung places, were hit by "Summer Lovin'"?

Hot temparatures, half naked bodies, cocktails and dancing ...... the perfect recipe to spark a holiday romance and bring "Sandy" to her "Danny".  The stresses and strains of everyday life are left far behind as we become chilled out, easy going, bronzed "happy" people. The sexiness of the Mediterranean to the exoticness of the Caribbean seduces, tantilises and makes "falling in love" fast and easy...all part of the holiday package.
 
But do they last? Is a holiday romance the start of something special or just fun in the sun?

All the ingredients  pretty much disappear as soon as the airplane hits the tarmac back at home. Sun replaces rain and days melting in to one are now structured and dominated by office hours.  What are the chances you live near to each other? Despite Facebook, Skype etc when everyday life gets in the way how long can you be bothered to make those long distant phone calls or even visit each other trying to rekindle the "connection" made under a burning sun?  Will you still lust after each other when the sun kissed half naked bodies turn a whiter shade of pale after being covered up against the cooler temperatures? How long before the novelty wears off?

You on holiday is unlikely to be 100% the same person you are at home. The fun loving carefree person on the beach maybe more stressed, hurried and serious in the cold light of day.  I mean that's why we go on holiday isn't...to relax? So it's pretty much expected that you will meet other relaxed people.

Some years back I had a holiday romance.  It lasted 9 months after we got back and during that time we even went back on holiday to where we first met. However, like any relationship when the first flush of romance wears off it depends whether there is enough leftover to work hard enough at keeping it going.

Generally speaking though the chances that you will be walking down the aisle with your holiday romance is pretty slim. It's called a holiday romance for a reason because really that's precisely what it is.

beauty and the mass media beast!

Looking back at my dating experiences I realise that the majority of men with whom I've gone out with, dated or had a relationship with, have been younger than me. I'm not talking about the Demi Moore - Ashton Kutcher 15 year age gap however but enough of a difference to put my self-consciousness on high alert. Facial lines appear more pronounced despite the plethora of anti aging creams in the bathroom cabinet and the once every 2 monthly visit to the hair salon increases to 4-6 weekly, should he,God forbid, find a stray grey hair or two.

The pressure to stay looking young is evident in all that we read in magazines and watch in movies or on TV however it is fiercly highlighted when dating a younger man. Referring back to Demi More and Ashton Kutcher's 15 year age gap, it is rumoured that she has spent £250k since 2007 on plastic surgery, liposuction and even knee surgery. If an A list Hollywood star, as naturally beautiful and talented as Demi Moore, feels the pressure to stay young looking for her toy boy husband, then what hope is there for the rest of us? Does Michael Douglas feel under pressure to embark on a quest for eternal youth in order to stop his stunning wife Catherine Zeta Jones runnning for the (Hollywood) hills? Apparantley so. It's been reported that he has undergone a face and brow lift. But even Catherine Zeta Jones herself has had help from the surgeon's knife in maintaining her beauty.

So is the pressure to literally peel back the years from having a younger spouse? or really from being in the fickle scrutinising eye of the mass media?

"Cougars" are the vastly growing number of savvy ladies on the hunt for younger men. This woman has the self confidence to command awestruck respect from her younger prey that she can manipulate him to go along with whatever she says. Enough life experiences have taught her what matters and what doesn't and she has faced her insecurities and fears. She is not going to bother her latest squeeze with feminine frivalities that often turn men off, ie: "Does my bum look big in this?". She knows what she looks good in and what to avoid. Probably most importantly for her less experienced partner, is that she can teach him a thing or two between the sheets...with the light on and not worrying about showing her stretch marks or cellulite I might add! She's there for a good time for as long as it lasts. No strings, no long term commitment. This seems to be a happy middle ground in recapturing your lost youth yet not worrying whether he sticks around or not.  No wonder "Mrs Robinson" is still such an iconic role model for these temptress ladies.

As a society though are we still made to feel a little uncomfortable at the thought of an older woman dating a much younger man?  Were eyebrows raised when Michael Douglas married Catherine Zeta Jones, 25 years his junior?Rod Stewert married Penny Lancaster with also a 25 year age gap? Not really. Some thought it may not last, the younger spouses wanting to stay up late and party perhaps. But these men bring alot to the table. Not just wealth but experience, maturity and most importanly less likely to stray. Turn the tables, however and we are not so readily able to accept such an age gap between an older woman and younger man.


But why? Because we have been brain washed by the mass media that beauty and youth are the only attributes that serve a woman. We have been led to believe that men are influenced first and foremost by physical beauty and not inner beauty. And yes even in the 21st century. Lets be honest ageism is very much alive and kicking down the self esteem of women and men eveywhere. You would be a liar and a fool to deny it. The proof? Just look in the magazines and shops. Anti wrinkle this and anti age that. The companies that make such products would not survive if we were not slaves to the beauty industry. Ladies, we are the ones who buy into this misconception that we are only as good as the moisturiser we use. And whilst I wholeheartedly subscribe to taking care of oneself both in health and appearance, I do not want to waste my life worrying whether I look 10 years younger than I really am.

Can you imagine a world where make up, hair dye, plastic surgery, botox, anti wrinkle creams  and designer clothers did not exist? In that world we would have to look for something else to act as our self worth. How about intelligence, sense of humour, kindness, patience and a positive outlook. Guess what? I already have these attributes and so do most  men and women out there. It's just a shame that they are not the primary focus in the mass media, the most powerful influence in our lives.

over the top....has the fight against identity fraud gone too far?

I received a call recently from my credit card company. It was a callback that I'd requested in order to advise them I had a change of address. Apparently the customer service rep I spoke with a couple of days earlier was not qualified to change addresses!? Anyway suffice to say that they did indeed call me back. This is how the conversation went:

Rep: "Hello is that Miss Murray?"
Me: "Yes, hello"
Rep: "Hello Miss Murray it's xxxxxxx.Credit Card company phoning regarding your change of address"
Me: " Yes that's right, I have a new address"
Rep: "No problem Miss Murray. I just need to run through some security questions with you"

Normally at this point I remind them that it was they who had rung me and I would refuse to prove I was in fact the person they had rung.

I did this once with my mobile phone company and she suggested I call them back on a specific number in order to verify it was indeed them. She failed to realise that she had actually done the exact same thing. By phoning me on my mobile number (issued by them)  wasn't adequate proof that I wasn't an impostor. Yet they expected me to phone their number (not issued by me) and be satisfied that they were genuine. For all I know it could have been some cowboy outfit with access to thousands of phone number scamming us by pretending to be a well known mobile co. and accessing our personal information. I knew it wasn't but out of principal I didn't call them back.

On this occassion however I had to get my address changed and apparently this was the only way possible despite all the advances in technology and the numerous means of communicating at our disposal. I was also expecting this call and so had no reason to be suspicious.  I took a deep breath and proceeded to answer the following idiotic security questions:

Rep: "Can you confirm your full name please"?

Oh I soo wanted to snap back "You've been calling me by it for the last few minutes!". However I refrained and through gritted teeth gave him my full name.

Rep: "Can I have your full date of birth please". Again I answered, trying to remain ever so polite and not burst into some angry rant.

Rep: "Can I have the last four digits of your credit card please Miss Murray?"

I don't know how I was holding it together but I played along.

You would think by now that would be enough. They had phoned me, I'd confirmed my full name, d.o.b and last 4 digits of my card surely all suspicion that I was a fraudster would be removed. But there was more....

Rep: " Can I have the first and third letter of your password?"

Surely now this would suffice??What next? My vital statistics?!!

Rep continues "can you please tell me Miss Murray the last two recent purchases made with your credit card?".

I actually could not remember what these were as fortunately I do not use this card very often and I didn't think it was that crucial in the crusade against identity theft. I really wanted to argue this point with him but I'd got this far I didn't want to risk being cut off and having to go through the entire ridiculous process again. He  must have sensed by now that I was at the end of my tether...I was practically hissing the answers out...and so the perverse little creature decided to punish me further...

Rep admonishes me " Well in that case Miss Murray please provide me with your email address?" Good grief!!

Clearly this is how he gets his kicks and I know why Rep # 1 was  not qualified to deliver the change of address process. He obviously wasn't a member of the KGB's mental torture unit!!

Has the fight against identity fraud gone too far or was I just being a teeny wee bit premenstrual?

"Once a prostitute always a prostitute.."??

I thought I'd seen everything that reality TV could throw at me...programs offering a platform to showcase hidden talent along with disillusioned wannabees we the viewers all love to mock and ridicule or B list celebrities thrown together in a tropical jungle facing their fears not just by wrestling with snakes and spiders but spending any length of time in close proximity with former "I'm a Celebrity get me out of here" contestant, Janice Dickinson would make chewing on kangaroo testicles as easy as eating marshmallows! Along with a multitude of other "fly on the wall" shows what next in the realm of so called "reality" TV?

 "Once a prostitute always a prostitute" is not the title of a new reality show but the opinion of a male resident of Lusaka, Zambia in response to hearing about the new TV show which has been launched by Zambian TV to help "former" prostitutes find a husband. " it is very difficult for them to just change overnight" he concluded. What!!?? Faced with the prospect of a husband, roof over their heads and food in their mouths does this man really think a former prostitute would turn it down preferring to live a life thwart with danger, self loathing and shame?


"Ready for Marriage" is the new reality TV show which involves18 sex workers who stand to win a cash prize of $9000 and have their wedding paid for. They have been taken  from the streets in different parts of the country and the program makers claim that "we want to make a difference to these women's lives. These are people after all". Really? Nothing to do with pretty much guaranteeing huge audience figures then? The viewers participate by voting off contestants every week. Those contestants get a consolation prize of $1000 - $1500 and help in finding a full time job so that they do not return to prostitution....very commendable.

But why a TV show? Why make a parody of a very serious issue with sensationalism if it's not for monetary gain? Exploiting these women's misfortune. What happens to all the other prostitutes not chosen? Are they lining up hoping to be picked for series 2 or 3, until then do they remain prostitutes in order to one day qualify?
 
Forget the camera, lights, action and lose the cabaret...if the sentiment was genuine then the TV company should donate money to set up a support network for these women. They could then film the progress and success stories.

And what of the potential husband? Is it a wife he's really looking for...??

A friend in need...................... is minus a fish.

One of the many advantages of being a spinster is that I am more often than not available to my friends to help them out in their hour of need. At a drop of a hat I can jump in my car and be at my friend's door to deal with whatever crisis prevails, offering support whether emotionally or financially. I do not have to worry about a hubby or any children being fed and taken care of, as I only have myself to deal with, giving me time and emotional energy to sacrifice to those very important to me, a deed which is gladly undertaken, time and time again.

So it was without hesitation that I agreed to "house sit" for a very good friend of mine whilst her and her family went on vacation to sunny Spain for 2 weeks. This meant moving in to their 6 bedroom house enjoying some much needed solitude and relaxation. This is not without its demands however and after an hours crash course in the operation of household appliances, door locks and a briefing of local knowledge, I waved farewell to the "Winner" family, closed the door behind them and allowed peace to descend.

But not for long....... part of the package included a menagerie of family pets. 1 dog, 5 cats  and 6 fish....oops make that 5 fish as of this morning! I already knew about the existance of the dog and 5 cats and was purrrrfectly happy to play the part of dog lover and cat loving spinster,  however it was not until the eve of the "Winners" departure  that I learnt about the family of fish that lived on the top floor of the three storey house belonging to the youngest male member of the family. The "Winners" (in every sense of the word)  were on their way to Viva Espagna and I was on my way to Viva Dr. Dolittle!

  
I have only ever in my life taken care of 1 fish. Won from a funfair, a goldfish swimming around and around in its archetype goldfish bowl, enjoying a typical  2 week life span often associated with merry go round prizes, is a very pleasant but non eventful non tasking experience in a young childs life! So for me to have the responsibility of 6 fish inhabiting an aquarium ....what could possibly go wrong??

I know as much about fish as I do about quantum physics, ie: I like the idea of it but it seems too much like hard work for very little gain. Besides, it makes my head hurt!

The instructions were, however,  simple enough....feed twice a day (small pinch of flakey fish food) and turn aquarium light on and off accordingly.

The first week passed without event and my confidence grew as the Noah of the "Winner" residence.

Into the second week my lack of marine knowledge was highlighted as I ignored the telltale signs of aquarium in distress. As the days passed the tanks water turned a deeper and darker green until I could no longer  see the fish unless they swam  as near as possible up against the glass trying to amplify their silent plea  of "I'm a fish...... get me the f**k out of here"!!

I had no idea, I didn't realise, I was not suspicious of the ever increasingly invisible fish in the whirl of neon glowing, nuclear waste disposal coloured water.


Until this morning.......

 I eat fish for supper. I handle their grey scaled skin. I smother in butter and herbs without issue.  But when faced with a 3 inch long, silver, dead fish, early morning, eye balling me from the water's surface, I felt physically repulsed. I struggled to "fish" it  out of the tank...'scuse the pun! I used a dessert spoon and a leftover take away carton in which to remove him/her??? and for some strange reason held my breath the entire time!! WTF!! The demised fish is now in the "Winner" kitchen garbage bin!!

The lightbulb in my head has illuminated and the tank is now clean and shiny complete with crystal clear water. That said I am now officially on "Fish watch" for the remaining 5 days!!