Destiny's Spinster?

 For those of you who have read my earlier posts; Old Maid, Accidental Spinster, What men think of Spinsters; you will accurately sense from them that I struggle with my Spinster status and continually battle to accept my fate. I question where I went wrong, what, if anything, I could have done to avoid the path of  Spinsterhood.

Well it transpires that maybe there is nothing I could have done which would have made the slightest difference to where I stand today. Even a "Sliding Doors" phenomenon which would have taken me on a parallel journey with different experiences, ultimately would have led to where I am at present, I would have just got here a another way. And how do I know this?.............Enter the"Nadis".

Briefly, Nadis are charts drawn up on pieces of bark hundreds of years ago. Inscribed on these woody sheets are the past, present and future of peoples lives today but written down in the past.. Hard to believe I know so here's the proof.

The famous Indian philosopher, Dr Deepak Chopra, experienced a Nadi reading by a young priest who did not speak English or Hindu, had spent his entire life in a temple in Southern India and therefore did not know who Deepak was. The reading taken from the thousand year old Nadis detailed Deepak's life with startling accuracy: birth date, his parent's name, his own name and wife's, how many children he had and where they lived, the day and hour of his father's death, his exact name and his mother's. Interestingly, it seemed at first that the priest had given the incorrect mother's name but after some family investigaton by Deepak, it transpires that it was indeed her birth name which had been changed when she was 3 years old.

Remember these words had all been written down a thousand years before and the Nadis are scattered all over India so it is only by pure chance to run across one that applies to you. And how are you matched up to a Nadi? Not by the time and date of your birth but by your thumb print. A person will walk into a reader's house and the reader takes a thumb print. Based on that the charts are located.

Further more the Nadi gave  Deepak the day of his own death, knowledge, which he chose to have.

Perhaps then fate is not in my hands and Spinsterhood is my destiny and nothing I ever did or could do will change that at this moment in time.To know if it will ever change I would have to have a reading.

Somewhere in India there maybe a Nadi detailing my life which  has already been set in stone (well in bark) hundreds of years ago.This i will only know if I ever choose to go in search for it and request a reading. I really don't like the idea of knowing the day I will die however, I think that part I would skip. Wouldn't you?

Lonely Hearts?

Tomorrow marks a poignant date in the calendar of the majority of loved up couples. . Yes it's that time of year again  when Valentines day is  thrust upon men and women all over the world urging them to prove the measure of their love with expensive gifts and swanky weekends away. And could it be that the higher the value of the gift the increased depth of love is felt?? Does a £20 red bra & knicker set compare to a £300 night in a luxury hotel, romantic meal and champagne? Of course it doesn't...and don't fool yourself to think otherwise. And  if your better half is a 6 figure a year high flyer and presents a heart shaped box of chocolates as his token of affection then you may need to seriously reassess your relationship and self worth! Oooh how fickel I can hear you berate and yes  that is what Valentines Day is: One dimensional, cheap and  tacky. You would be justified too in thinking that perhaps I'm a little bit cynical and bitter because let's face it what will I be doing tomorrow evening?? I won't be wined and dined by a significant other. Flowers, perfume, chocolates and sexy underwear will not feature in my Monday 14th February 2011. But if they did I certainly wouldn't turn them down. I too have been and still can be wrapped up in the "romance" and fun that is spent on a day solely dedicated to love.


For those of you who preach that it is unnecessary to use a particular day to show how much you love someone ...well then you may as well state the same for Christmas. Is it therefore, unnecessary to recognise 25th December and extend goodwill to all men? Use it to heal family rifts, to forgive and be forgiven, to give and take and share? 


Valentines Day  draws out emotions not just exclusive to couples but which can and should also be extended to friends and family. For those of us who are not half of a whole but a whole all by ourselves, we are not lonely in our hearts,  something which Valentines expectations can so crassly  highlight. We can show our love and affection for those in our lives that are dear and important to us. 

So for those people I love (you know who you are) and whose love I have ......Happy Valentines Day xx

 "I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day.  When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon".  ~Author Unknown

The Sinister Spinster dress - I'll have one in every colour please......NOT!!!

The Sinister Spinster Dress : Men love this dress. Seriously.
Simple, comfy, yet very elegant, this black Stretch velvet dress has an empire waist, pleated skirt, and pointed collar and cuffs. You choose the color of the collar and cuffs.
Collar Colors: "Black Rose" Velvet Flocked poplin ( Shown Here) or Satin Brocade in: Red, Black, Burgundy, Forest Green, Royal Blue, Purple, Pink.

Role Model for Spinsters?

Tonight I am all fired up, incensed infact over an article I have read.  And what has driven me to such emotion? Jennifer Aniston.  She is many things.......stunning, funny, wealthy, intelligent...but she is not a Spinster so how can the words role model, Spinster and Jennifer Aniston feature in the same sentence? Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't their a fairytale romantic wedding back in July 2000 which resulted in a marriage between her and Mr Brad Pitt.  Their highly publicised divorce in 2005 concludes that Jennifer Anniston is in fact a divorcee albeit a childless divorcee, but a divorcee nonetheless therefore she does not qualify as a Spinster and definately not a role model.

Maybe you  think I'm being a little sensitive and protective over the Spinster definition and to be fair a divorcee is single and a Spinster is single which does unite them. However, Jennifer Aniston has played the blushing bride, worn the white dress and thrown the prized bouquet. Sacred vows have been spoken upon her lips as two people became one. She has moved cheek to cheek,  heart to heart, entwined, dancing the first dance. No Ms Anniston you are not  a member of the Spinsterhood because you have lived  your fairytale, you have been a wife, you have had your husband and your in-laws. Now unless you spin wool in your spare time, the ring that was on your finger once upon a time rules you out.

However, you  Miss Minogue have had none of that so Kylie welcome aboard!

Not married, not bothered!

I've stolen the title of this post from a book that I am eager to read. I cannot wait to immerse myself in this A-Z of Spinsterhood by Carol Clewlow titled of course "Not Married, Not Bothered"..  From the reviews I have read and interviews she has given, Carol Clewlow views on single, childless women is not only refreshing but for me admirable and brave! It is not  a self pitying, apologetic portrayal of failing to conform, succeed in marriage and motherhood but  about a defiant heroin who is not a Spinster by accident but by  choice. HOORAY!! I want to be Riley Gordon and fly the flag for Spinsterhood! She is everything I'm not. She is comfortable with her Spinster status.. No that's not enough, she is HAPPY! I know I will get this and so much more from this much anticipated read.

Why hadn't I stumbled across it before during my dark days of feelings of hopelessness and despair? This will be my "Bible". I will reach for it when I'm attending the next wedding alone, the next birthday celebration wthout an escort. I will devour every last contradiction and point scoring with two fingers up at society's obsession with the "ticking clock"! I feel empowered already!

Oh dear, have I been hasty, a tad overzealous in putting my seal of approval on a book I have not even read? I broke off for a minute to read some more reviews and came across very negative feedback.

Dear book as you look down on me from the pedastal that I put you on......have I sung your praises too soon? Am I blinded by my own need for self absolution? Will you disappoint?

Well the proof is in the pudding...I better go and buy the damn thing now! ....................My review  of this book will be forthcoming in the near future....

Ready for the Weekend?

 The Weekend is upon us and what does it have in  store for a Spinster lady like myself?   Well first of all, it will be devoid of alcohol as have the last two and half weeks! I decided  that I had over indulged not just over Christmas and New Year but for the past 12 months (ok maybe 12 years) and it was time to give my poor liver and kidneys some well earned R&R. In addition it's time to have a word with yourself when you win an award on a ski trip, not for skiing but for being the "Party Animal" of the week!! Something has to be done! During the days of sobriety I imagine my detoxifying system cocooned now, safe and sound in a swirl of sparkling water, smiling contently, softly slumbering. For now!

I am busy over the next two days. My first engagement will take me on a 10 mile hike into the hills accompanied by fellow Spatchelors (Spinsters & Batchelors), Singledons, Divorcees and an occasional Spoken for Person. This is an adventure group I belong to which is great for getting out and about, not necessarily to meet people, but having things to do that doesn't mean relying on anyone else. You just book and turn up and get to spend a day out with like minded people.  No indecisons, no one lettng you down at the last minute. Perfect!

The weekend continues with a couple of birthdays. First my father's 75th! I sometimes wonder what he thinks of my single status. He comes from an different era, I'm sure he took it for granted that his youngest would get married and have children. At this point I could digress and delve into my family's  history of matrimony but that in itself is an entire posting and I will save it for another day.

Then on to a birthday bash which will take up a whole day and night! I will know 3 people out of 100 but that's the beauty of parties, meeting strangers will inevitably extend your social circle and opens up endless opportunities!

So a full weekend! How can I worry about my single status when my diary is full and I have the freedom to just take off to wherever and whenever? How can I complain about being lonely when by Sunday night I will have met another 97 people? I am in a good place.: )Which brings me nicely to the quote below from a very famous Spinster.........have a good weekend everyone!

"If I follow the inclination of my nature, it is this: beggar-woman and single, far rather than queen and married."
— Elizabeth I

Surfing for Love

We don't look for love anymore we surf for it. 10 years ago Internet Dating was pursued by thousands, but in secret. Now it is as socially acceptable as sending birthday cards online. I used to turn my nose up at the whole online dating game. I viewed advertising yourself to strangers as  reeking of desparation. How sad to stoop to such levels. But I realise I was only pretending to myself that I was fine as I was and didn't need any help, I could find my own love. Well.... I hadn't yet! So after much persuasion and under some duress from my circle of friends I joined an online dating site for 6 months with the view that if my soulmate had not appreared after this time,then that was it, I'd given it a go and could not be accused of  knocking it before I tried it.

So after answering the plethora of psychosymetric questions, to which point I knew so much more about myself I wasn't sure if I liked me anymore...!!, and attaching a recent enough photo that should we meet, the real me wasn't too far removed from my profile image, I presented myself to Dating Land!! Here I am ....come and get me!!

Was I expecting a deluge of winks and nudges ...it would have been nice I admit and the respectful amount I did receive made me feel flattered, even if some were sent by the Tweedledees and Tweedledums of this earth! Well I'm sorry but there were some "questionable" images!!   And unless they  looked half decent I wasn't going to venture futher into their profile. Fickle you may call it..........been a realist I call it!

Jumping a few steps brings us to my first suitable match.  On paper we were compatible at every level and we lived close to each other, a brucey bonus. We spoke on the phone and made each other laugh. We seemed at ease and very much of the same ilk and so we decided to meet up. With my heart pounding, stomach churning and nerves all over the place, I ran down to the door in answer to his anouncement that he'd arrived. I locked the door behind me, spun round, and there he was. And I knew there and then that he was not "the one". I didn't expect fireworks or to be consumed with an uncontrollable desire to throw myself into his arms but I did want a spark, a knowing look.  It wasn't there and whilst the evening was very pleasant "it" didn't materialise and I looked for "it".... very hard.

So it just goes to show that there is no scientific test, labatory experiment and disecting of personalities, characteristics, likes and dislikes that will guarantee you Mr Right. If he hasn't got "it"...and you both don't create a spark, then it's all in vain.

I will leave my cupids bow to be fired by the Universe, the Cosmos, Fate.

And what is "it" that we all look for.......an invisible, unspoken, intangible connection......